Edges are known opportunities for growth that you WANT to explore. This is important: just because it’s an edge doesn’t mean you need to explore it…

My edge might be…

• Exposing my physical body more to others.
• Leaning into my kinky fantasies.
• Gaining more comfort and encouraging my partner’s sexual freedom.
• Being proactive in asking for what I want
• Being more receptive and allowing myself to receive touch and attention
• Being vulnerable and honest with others about my fears, needs, and desires.
• Continuing to ask for my desires even after I get a rejection (and getting the support I need to do that).
• etc.

Desires are specific activities that turn us on and that we’d love to try AND/OR ways we want to feel throughout various interactions.

My desires might be…

• To have a sexual experience with someone of a different gender.
• To watch my partner pleasure another person.
• To have group sex.
• To intentionally get naked in front of someone else.
• To get spanked or tied up.
• To have a sexual experience with a stranger OR with a friend.
• To go deep with one specific person.
• To have lots of different experiences with lots of different people.
• Etc.

My desires might be to feel…

• Sexy
• Alive
• In touch with myself
• Grounded
• Like a team with my partner
• Open to offers

 Once you’ve clarified your own desires, come together to map out what’s “inside the playground” for this event and what’s “outside of it.” Specificity here matters. Many breakdowns happen in the gray zones that weren’t discussed ahead of time.

For the following ACTION areas, discuss your desires and boundaries. Consider sorting them into green, yellow, and red zones – green is an easy yes, yellow is maybe, red is no.

Physical acts:

• intercourse
• oral sex
• making out
• nudity, etc.

Emotional acts:

• cuddling and holding
• deep eyegazing
• giving emotional support, etc.

Kinky acts:

• Tying or being tied
• Flogging or other implements
• Domination and submission, etc

Then, approach the CONTEXT in which these activities could occur, and what your boundaries are based on each context.

Possible contexts (please adapt for polyculres as needed): Doing the action…

• As an individual, without your partner
• Together as a couple
• As a couple with other couples 
• As a couple with another single person
• With a known friend/s
• With a stranger/s
• With someone of a certain gender
• While the other partner is watching, etc.

The clearer you are, the less likely you are to run into painful surprises in the moment.

Attachment theory gives us the concept of a “secure base” – a safe anchor to return to if you feel lost, triggered, or overwhelmed. In play spaces, this means agreeing to be that steady point for each other, even while exploring with others.

How do you want to source security as a couple? 

Do you want to be “unilaterally interruptible,” meaning your partner can approach you at any time, no matter what you’re doing, to ask for reassurance?

If you choose this, you’ll also need to let any play partners know ahead of time so they can consent to being interrupted by your partner, and aren’t destabilized if you step away mid-scene.

How do you want to check in with each other throughout the party? 

Do you want to venture on your own and then reconvene after a certain set amount of time? Or check in after having an experience with another person? Or do you plan to not let each other out of your sites?

One of the most important agreements to make is that you will not renegotiate boundaries during the event just because something tempting presents itself. Sexual energy can be intoxicating, and in a heightened state, decision-making isn’t always clear. Stick with the agreements you made beforehand. If you regret a limit, you’ll have the opportunity to change it next time.

This is especially relevant for a first play party – you’ll be navigating a new energy and environment. Remember, it’s the first, not the last. There will be plenty of other opportunities to explore!

Within the boundaries you’ve set, commit to affirming your partner’s erotic expression – even if you wouldn’t choose the same experience yourself. Erotic energy is life force, and supporting your partner in their exploration can be deeply liberating for both of you.

Support doesn’t mean abandoning your own boundaries. If your partner wants to try something that’s within your agreements but is emotionally edgy for you, talk about what support would look like. Do you want to be there holding hands? Watching? Participating? Or would you prefer to take separate time and reconnect afterwards?

Play parties can surface insecurities, surprises, and new desires – for both you and your partner. Go slowly. Treat these moments as part of the ongoing process of learning how to navigate together.

When an emotional edge comes up, start by affirming the discovery: “Wow, you’re learning something new about yourself.”

Then move into support: “What would help me feel comfortable if you did this?” Balancing curiosity with care is key.

While we always recommend carpooling (because it’s more fun and helps logistics), there’s plenty of free on-street parking just beyond the house, where the road runs along a wooded area. We’ll share a parking map closer to the event.

👠 Shoes
Shoes are welcome only if part of your costume. To protect toes and bodies on the squish, please wear them only when needed and tread mindfully.

🚫 Off-Limits Rooms
All kids’ bedrooms are strictly off-limits, except one designated Angel Space. Observe the posted signs.

• Angel Space: Emotional support only. Absolutely no sexual activity. You may enter only with an Angel present.

🌙 Outdoor Space: Sensual Only
Because of neighbor proximity, partial visibility, and sound considerations, the outdoor area is for relaxing, conversing, cuddling, and enjoying the fire.

• Hot Tub: Sensual zone only. No sexual activity due to both neighbors and body fluid safety.
• Feel free to flirt, share a massage, cuddle, or exchange light kisses, but please keep it within lightly sensual limits outdoors.

🚫 Sober Party
This is a sober event. No alcohol, cannabis, or other drugs are permitted. If you vape nicotine, please do so outside. We get high on sensual energy, oxytocin, healthy risk-taking, and connection.

👗 Arrival Attire
The house is in a neighborhood, and the parking area is near other homes. Please arrive in non-sexual clothing (no strappy lingerie, revealing costumes, or overtly erotic attire). We’ll share a post soon about what to wear for the event once you’re inside.

💦 Scents

We are not a scent-free space, but we do request folks come freshly showered and clean smelling (for both the play spaces, furniture, and other guests, no unwashed body odor). Spritzing on your favorite subtle scent is fine, but please leave the strong cologne or chemical perfume at home.

In the coming days, we’ll share a sign-up spreadsheet for food contributions.

Some basics to know:

• Our kitchen witch Luna will be tending the kitchen, keeping it tidy, and making sure food is out and ready.
• We’ll have large Instant Pots with staples like rice and a hearty stew.
• You’ll be invited to sign up to bring side dishes, appetizers, and desserts.
• All food will be vegetarian for ease and food safety.

More details and the sign-up sheet are coming soon — start thinking about what deliciousness you might bring!

A HUGE thank you to our hosts for their enthusiasm and bravery in hosting Our First Play Party! The space is stunning, warm, and intentionally set up to hold us all beautifully for our first big step into this kind of gathering. I can’t wait to share it with you. 💫

• Check the spreadsheet here and choose an item you want to bring from the list!
• Every person signs up. If you’re part of a couple or polycule, each of you picks something individually.
• Sign up by selecting your name from the dropdown menu in Column C/Your Name.
• Please make your dish feed ~6 people.
• ⚠️ Food guidelines: VEGETARIAN ONLY for this event. No raw garlic or onions (not sexy!).

• ❄️ If you made a cold/room-temperature dish: put it in the cooler or pantry, and we will pull things out to replenish throughout the night. 
• 🔥 If you have a dish you want to serve hot: either bring it in an instant pot and plug in (there are plenty of outlets) OR put it in the cooler. When you have a hankering for your dish, go heat it up and serve it!
• When you arrive, Luna and Kristen will receive your food in the kitchen.
• We’ll have labels so folks know what’s in what!

Find the spreadsheet here. Go choose a dish now! There’s no time like the present 🙂

Let’s make this a feast to remember! 🍿