One of my favorite things to do is follow the chemistry I feel with a new person. There’s nothing like the thrill of grabbing that spark – or that curiosity, or that little voice, or whatever it is – and seeing where it wants to go.
Risk-taking is one of my core values, and following those sparks of interest is one of my superpowers. People often ask me how I do it. That starts by knowing what we don’t do first… Often we feel something with someone (whether it’s an interest in friendship or something more romantic), but we…
Question whether we actually felt something at all, and write it off as something we probably made up.
Make assumptions about how the other person feels, convincing ourselves that the chemistry we feel is one-sided.
Overthink it. I’ve heard we only have about 10 seconds between a gut instinct and when our brain starts interfering with predictions, planning, and “what-ifs.”
Choose to avoid possible rejection instead of risking connection or pleasure.
If we want to meet more people and follow those little impulses, it’s imperative that we do something when that little window opens. Maybe we look through it and wave. Maybe we reach your hand through. Maybe we leap out of the window and end up flying!
Following those little windows of opportunity is what makes life interesting, for me. It’s what makes community vibrant, especially when we create a culture of permission to explore connection. It’s what makes the Sauce fun, because it’s a place to try taking those risks in healthy, respectful ways.
So how do you follow that spark at the Sauce and beyond?
Start with curiosity. Approach the person like you would a work of art or a mountain view: “What might be here?” rather than “What can I get from this person?”
Be honest. If someone is brave enough to take the risk and approach you, be brave back. Say the thing you’re actually thinking, not what you think you’re “supposed” to say. Honesty is way more compelling, even when it’s awkward.
Be attuned. Following chemistry doesn’t guarantee anything. If you come with demanding energy, it’s going to be repellent even if the person is also intrigued by you.
Follow the path. Maybe it leads to a sweet conversation, a new friendship, or learning how to hear a “no thank you.” All of those are good outcomes because they mean you followed your desire.
That’s what Chemistry is about at the Sauce: noticing the sparks, daring to follow them, and letting them surprise you.
Let’s make Santa Cruz even hotter – together!