I’m coming to realize there is more that is unique about the Sauce and about my leadership, and if I had to summarize it, it would be this: The Sauce is really about growing our erotic muscles as a community so we can play harder and know who we are and have empowered relationships. It’s about self-knowledge and learning ourselves so we can show up sexually empowered person. It’s about how to do that in community – and have fun while doing it.

This aspect of learning and deeper self-awareness is what sets the Sauce apart. If we’re not learning and growing, there is only so deep an event can get… the Sauce mixes celebration with wrestling with who we are; becoming more masterful with experimental pleasure; it’s about pushing edges for a reason, and going deeper as individuals and together.

Here are some of my musings about values and guiding principles:

Open-Mindedness and Community Connection
Erotic fulfillment often arrives in unexpected packages. Some of the most meaningful, nourishing, and surprising connections I’ve had came from moments when I let go of my assumptions and stayed open. Come to events with curiosity and allow other attendees to surprise you!

Learning and Adventure Over Outcome
For me, sex is only enjoyable and safe when it’s an adventure – not a performance or transaction. Sexual exploration becomes truly rewarding when I engage with myself and others with intentionality. What do I want to learn about myself? What edges do I want to push? And why? Adventure means there’s mutual desire, but no fixed goal. Learning means every encounter takes me into deeper self-awareness, empowerment, and skill. From these deeper places, even more is possible.

Invest in Your Own Experience
The Sauce isn’t a space where things happen for you – it’s one we all co-create together. At every event, you’re invited to take responsibility for your experience: ask for what you want, clarify your boundaries, practice listening to words and body language, stretch to include yourself, and bring your presence and desire into the space.

Have Brave Conversations
When the stakes rise, so must our courage. Whether it’s saying yes, saying no, making a request, or responding to one – bravery is required for all erotic exploration! Brave conversations are the foundation of clarity, trust, and consent, especially in a small community like ours.

Honesty & Integrity
Honesty starts with being honest with ourselves. How am I feeling? What do I want? Then it expands to being honest with others about our needs, desires, and experiences. Integrity means moving through a space with values and honor. What are your values around sexuality? What does being honorable mean to you when it comes to erotic exploration? How far is too far in BOTH directions of being overly cautious or overly reckless?

You Are Always at Choice
Change is one of the cornerstones of sexual safety and freedom. You are always at choice—every moment of the night. You never need to “finish what you start.” You never owe anyone anything. You are free to pivot, pause, renegotiate, or leave an encounter altogether. A play party is only truly fun when the full spectrum of experience is welcome. There is no pressure to have sex. And you absolutely can if you want to.