The Sauce has updated ground rules!! I’m truly honored and excited to share this conversation with @everyone to support greater edge-pushing, self-knowledge, and pleasure.

When 200 people get together to explore, discover, and expand erotic energy, “things happen.” Out there in the rest of the world, “things” also happen. The difference between the Sauce and the rest of the world is:

• The Sauce has boundaries in place that allow for more clear, intentional exploration
• When “something happens” at the Sauce, there are support systems in place that give people the chance to have corrective experiences and go through healing or accountability processes with dignity and support

There is no way to fully prevent violations from occurring in any space. There never has been and never will be a Sauce where every person felt comfortable the entire time, only had happy experiences, and left feeling like the champion of the world. And the truth is—I want it that way because comfort-only is not my goal.

I left a sexless marriage when I was 33 and set out to explore my eroticism. I had NO idea what I was doing. I’d fallen into the typical acculturated hetero-female trap of having sex “for him” and paying zero attention to my own pleasure. In fact, I stopped having sex for an entire year after my divorce. I told myself: “Until I can have sex that I actually enjoy—that’s FOR ME—I’m not going to have it ever again.” And then slowly, slowly I worked my way towards self-knowledge and erotic empowerment. (And lotttts of sex 😉

Erotic empowerment, sovereignty, and respect can be a harrowing journey. It is not paved with unicorn snot. Rose petals will not bloom under every footstep on the path to true intimacy and liberation. You will not do everything perfectly—none of us will. My journey was gritty and humbling. At times it was disturbing and devastating. I faced down my conditioning around being a “good woman,” denying my pleasure for fear of being too much, and freezing in the face of male desire. It took determination and patience. I did some certifiably crazy shit to get where I am today—someday, maybe we’ll talk more about that…  But the journey has been so, so worth it. I’m passionate about sharing the magic and rawness of erotic connection in an accessible way, to the most amount of people, and building a supportive community around it.

If erotic exploration has too few boundaries in place—without a solid container for basic safety—people feel traumatized and terrified and no one wants to do it anymore. At the same time, if erotic exploration has too tight of a container—too many rules and avoids all discomfort or disturbance—people feel lukewarm and nothing very interesting happens.

At the Sauce, I’m committed to creating a culture of edge-pushing in a container that leaves plenty of space to have experiences and enough boundaries to avoid the worst kinds of harm.

The updated rules and boundaries of the Sauce are:

1. No intoxication—this is a sober event
2. No exposed genitals—bottoms of some kind must stay on at all times
3. No touching genitals with hands, faces, or mouths, even through clothing—consensual bumping and grinding is fine
4. No approaching someone and touching them from behind without pre-consent—meaning a pre-existing intimate relationship that ensures this person will be delighted at being surprised by you
5. At our topless-optional event, an exposed chest is not consent for touch

These 5 specific boundaries exist because every incident report I’ve ever received about a consent violation at the Sauce involved one of the above items.

Violation of these boundaries at the event will result in you being asked to leave the party, and will likely require you to take further steps in order to come back. You’re not a bad person if you break the rules—you’re just on the path of growth in your own way. A beautiful, healing journey may await you if you’re willing to be humble and go on it.

Regardless of any individual experience, my eye is on upholding the greater good of erotic exploration. Most people come to the Sauce because they want to let loose, know themselves more deeply, and expand into more confidence, pleasure, connection, or power. I’m committed to marrying fun and celebration with growth and vulnerability. My job as the Captain is to foster and uphold an environment that provides the highest chance of this happening.

Thank you all for being in this experiment with me!! I welcome all your feedback and cherish each one of you.